I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
