i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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