I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
