May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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