some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize