Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
