My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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