I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
