Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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