and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
