My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize