Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So much rum. So many feels.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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