wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
