I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
