That's intense
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
