I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
