Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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