oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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