he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
These tits shall not be calmed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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