I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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