At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
