Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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