You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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