Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
