better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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