ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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