so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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