Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
