bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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