theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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