Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Too much gin, very little bucket
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
