I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
