she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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