Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
