I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
