My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
