I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
