I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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