I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
