I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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