I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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