I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize