can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You have to summon your inner elephant
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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