We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
