Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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