I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
