he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
