Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
