More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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