I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
