She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
