Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize