I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
