plz talk dirty to me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize