We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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