she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
