I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
