Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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