"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
