my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
