theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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