im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
