i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
