Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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